You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
