you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
