Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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