You're my little dorito
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
As shirtless as possible
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
