I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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