fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
