i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
