I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
