i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
