Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
