So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I met the friendliest cop last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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