My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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