whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
