True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
