got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
