You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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