you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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