dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
