508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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