It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
