Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
