I can text with my tongue
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
