Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
