cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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