can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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