I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
