that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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