You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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