No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
