with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
