You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
