Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
