If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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