hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
