dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
