Michael Bay diarrhea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
