My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
