Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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