is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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