i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
