If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
