So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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