I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
