That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
