If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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