i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
