I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
