In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
