The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
