He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
