His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
