White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
