before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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