just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
