Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
