So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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