I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
