i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
last night I used snow as a chaser
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