I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
