Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
