If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
