we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
