I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
