I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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