my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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