remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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