She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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