We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
