I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
