Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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