were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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