my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
