Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
