I heard we made out
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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