she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
