I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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