sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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