I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
