You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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